Pony (Extended Version)
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Released in 1996

Timbaland is among the all-time great hip hop/R&B’s producers, and Ginuwine’s “Pony” was one of his first big hits. Like many Timbaland tracks, it’s held up flawlessly over the years.

Timbaland takes pride in fusing together unlikely elements in service of a slamming, unique beat. The most dominating sound on “Pony” is a deceptively simple three-note froglike bassline. But it’s the weirdness that takes the track to another level — the loopy slide whistle, the way he lets the beat breathe during the verses, the chugging percussive sound that lurks underneath.

The lyrics are ridiculous, but you have to admire the complete lack of shame:

If you’re horny, let’s do it
Ride it, my pony

Unbelievably, the lyrics go even further downhill from there, but I’ll refrain from calling attention to the specifics here; regardless, it’s impossible not to sing along.

Recently, Dancing Alone to Pony became a meme. Dozens of brave boogiers uploaded lo-fi video to show their genuine love for Ginuwine’s classic. This one is my current favorite:

The extended version doesn’t overextend itself. There’s an additional instrumental passage which introduces some vaguely ominous keyboard elements into the mix, but otherwise leaves the original intact.

The Phunky Feel One (Extended Version)
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How I Could Just Kill A Man (The Killer Mix)
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Released in 1991

Sometimes, I get mad. These tracks help get the aggression out.

There is no B-side on this 12″; both of these tracks are 5-star classics, and murder on the dancefloor.

‘Nuff said.

Can’t Fake The Feeling
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Released in 1980

"Can’t Fake The Feeling" has been very good to me. As you can see from the photo of the label above, I paid a pretty penny for it but It was worth it. It’s one of those records that kills on the dancefloor, and few of my generation have ever heard it before — qualities that make DJs very happy.

When it was released 30 (!) years ago, it was  — justifiably — a massive #1 club hit. It’s easy to see why: the beat is steady, the production is tight, and the melody is catchy. And then there’s Geraldine’s raw, expressive singing that hearkens back to a time when dance track vocals were recorded with limited to no filters, pitch correction, or digitized harmonies.

It was released on the Prism label (Prism would later morph into seminal hip hop label Cold Chillin’ Records) and was written by Geraldine and Kat Dyson, who is primarily known for playing guitar with Prince’s New Power Generation. I’m sad to say that my limited online research into Geraldine didn’t reveal much about her; "Can’t Fake The Feeling" was her biggest hit.

The Magnificent Seven
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The Magnificent Dance
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Released in 1981

This edition of 12″ Gems features one of the most addictive bass lines to ever grace the dancefloor. The Clash isn’t the first band to come to mind when you’re up in the club, but “The Magnificent Dance” appeals to pretty much anyone who gets up to get down. (For the record, “Rock The Casbah” works brilliantly too.)

The Clash were consistently pushing the boundaries of music. Though mostly defined as a “punk” bank, they also incorporated reggae, political fury, and — as demonstrated on this 12″ — rap into their sound. “The Magnificent Seven” was recorded in 1980, and may have been the first rap record made by whitey (with the possible exception of Blondie’s “Rapture,” which came out at roughly the same time).

Though Mick Jones was the true rap fanatic in The Clash, it was Joe Strummer who busted out the rhymes used in “The Magnificent Seven.” Legend has it that Joe freestyled all the lyrics after checking out local rap outfits across New York City. Joe was a notorious lefty, and his worldview nudged rap towards protest music: “What do we have for entertainment? Cops kickin gypsies on the pavement.”

But what’s really special about this 12″ is the B-side instrumental remix, “The Magnificent Dance.” Equally beloved by adventurous rockers, hip hop heads, and house music junkies, it continues to be sampled, looped, and worn out by DJ’s around the world.

The Clash were savvy enough to recognize the dancefloor potential of their recording and targeted this remix to DJs, successfully:

WBLS was blasting all over [New York] city and we just hooked onto some of that vibe and made our own version of it. We made an instrumental mix of “The Magnificent Seven” and WBLS played it to death. You couldn’t go anywhere in New York that summer without hearing that. And that was us! Weirdo punk-rock white guys!

— Mick Jones, from the documentary Westway to the World

Oh, and about that bass line: it wasn’t played by a member of The Clash. That honor goes to the heretofore unknown (at least to me) Norman Watt-Roy. Watt-Roy came up with the classic rhythm spontaneously while dropping in on The Clash during the Sandanista! sessions at New York City’s Electric Lady studios. If you want to know how funky Norman truly is, take a gander at his teeth.

Follow The Leader
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Follow The Leader (Dub)
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Released in 1988

OK, I’m trying out a new feature, 12″ Gems. I gots fat stacks of phat tracks to share.

Take this one: Eric B. & Rakim’s 5-star classic single “Follow The Leader.” It killed in the later, hazy hours of house parties in San Francisco during the late 90s — nearly a decade after its 1988 release. It continues to be an invigorating dancefloor choice for certain kinds of parties.

I have an MP3 of this track that I got from one of the online music services. It completely neuters the bass, and sounds hollow. To me, Eric B.’s complex, moody beat is what drives the track and keeps it relevant. I spent some extra time on my encoding to try and capture it, but digital music can’t quite match the big thumping rhythm that only vinyl can deliver. Pump it through some good speakers and turn it up, and you’ll get a taste.

Lyrically and musically, the Long Island duo were an atom bomb that forever changed the landscape of hip hop in the late-80s. Sounds like a hyperbole, but if you know your hip hop history you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Take this stunning couplet from Rakim:

Music makes mellow, maintains to make
Melodies for MCs, motivates the breaks

If his wordplay wasn’t enough, Rakim was also deep:

In this journey, you’re the journal, I’m the journalist.
Am I eternal or an eternalist?

Eternalism is a philosophical construct proposing that the past, present, and future are all equally viable.

Rakim isn’t just being blasphemous by nicknaming himself The God MC; you don’t hear Chamillionaire rapping about existentialism.

I also included the b-side “Dub” version, which is borderline unlistenable, except perhaps if you’ve ingested some sort of amphetamine. In a nutshell: Eric B. experiments with reverb.

Oh, and as I said, I played this record out; it’s scratchy, it has pops and hisses… sorry about that, but it still sounds better than the CD.